This is a poem,
about writer’s block and pop culture, called
I KNOW I CAN WRITE BETTER THAN TWILIGHT!
I’m lying awake at 2 am,
grappling with writer’s block
An affliction which has killed more dreams than a showdown between Batman and Superman
More hopes than Stephen Harper
And killed more characters than The Walking Dead
I don’t always have writers’ block, but when I do,
it’s a huge pain in the posterior.
Over 9000 brilliant words and ideas are in my mind,
I can’t Let it Go, no matter how hard I try…
you can’t see them on the paper any more than I can see
the John Cena meme going away.
I’m never going to give them up, never gonna let them down, never gonna run around and desert them…
After all this of course, I feel clingier than Taylor Swift because it’s boiling my Bad Blood, and I’m still staring at a Blank Space.
I’ve got fewer lines than Luke Skywalker in the new star wars movie!
I have a masterpiece forming in my head,
a masterpiece that’s slowly coming to fruition….
Even slower than Sherlock season 4, but still!
It’s just a work in progress, saying Hello from the other side! Yes, that’s all!
But…. If it’s so inevitably wonderful… why can I not break the writer’s block???!!!
After all, TWILIGHT is a best seller, TWILIGHT!
A book with a worse love triangle than The Hunger Games!
A book that glorifies blood sucking stalkers!
Why the hell is this a best seller, but I can’t even get my masterpiece on paper!?
My veneer of calmness that is faker than an adorable kitten on Facebook
that you know is plotting your death right now!
I’m embodying more anger than the Youtube comment section!
Exploding like Breaking Bad’s fake meth!
I’m coming in like a Wrecking Ball!
This is my force awakening and
you don’t want to see my final form! *scarf flip*
Step to one side of stage with concerned facial expression and reassuring hand gesture.
“Dude eat a snickers”
Step to other side of stage with skeptical facial expression and defensive posture.
Step to opposite side of stage with a revelation of the hard truth, tell it like it is face.
“Because you get a little angry and write terrible poetry when you’re hungry”.
Move to opposing side of stage with an offended facial expression. Snap fingers three times in an insulted fashion.
Resume original, non-self discussing then yelling mode.
NO, IT’S NOT BETTER AND IT’S NEVER GOING TO BE
I want to be the very best like no one ever was!
I am enticing like Justin Trudeau doing yoga!
I will be more beloved than Gangnam Style
Imitate Gangnam Style dance movements.
More suave than Daniel Craig in a Bond movie!
And more triumphant than Leonardo DiCaprio winning an Oscar!
I will go down in history, like a bad 80’s fashion trend
then come back to the future like 1.21 jigawatts!
I will have my time to sparkle like the modern vampire! (Thanks a lot Stephanie Meyer)
It’s a sad day,
When Donald Trump,
an orange fascist in a bad toupee, makes headlines
but the words of an eccentric narcissist,
are more underappreciated than 1960’s Doctor Who.
This injustice must be corrected!
Dearest Writers Block
I can’t take this love-hate relationship anymore, I’m not Adele!
And you’re preventing me from pushing my wannabee hipster agenda!
I have a reputation to uphold!
Seriously man! Stop filling my head with stupid memes and pop culture references, or I will be forced to come over there and crane kick you in the face like the karate kid!
I will best you yet writer’s block,
Because I KNOW I CAN WRITE BETTER THAN TWILIGHT
AND I, WILL GET SOMEWHERE!
But until then. I will be off writing a book at a coffee shop, starting a tumblr blog, buying a prius and fighting the system!
Now just to conclude, free of sponsorship:
A revision of an older poem, check out the original here! NaPoWriMo day 30! Happy writing, cheers! -MC